Shaz & Mave
( Dahn bother 't book 'em )
By gum, wi' 'erd em yellin at each other frem one corner at t' pub t'other.
Nivver erd owt, like it either, language fit fer pits, yu'd thawt arr Bert had lost his pidgins way thah wah carrin on.
Women an' all, well i thinks they wah women. Shaz & Mave thi call 'thissen's. Singers, thi reckon, all gone wrong it ad, nobody liked 'em.
A cockney tribute band, put on special to bring a bit of atmosphere, to ' Oss & Fodder, trying t' bring village together more t's Landlord. Trying to please em downshifters, mek em feel moor ' t' home.
Even put plates of jellied eels o 't tables, and much t'arr Bert's disgust, the usual copy of his Pidgeon fanciers monthly & Thoroughbred ferrets gazette, wah nowhere t be sin, 'ad bin replaced, wi' copies of Hello magazine, & and Counry Life.
Bloody terrible, they wir, proper odd, all short hair, and dungarees, a couple they arr annall, adopted a couple o' kids , cah'nt get mi head round that one. Still thah's nowt as queer a fowk.
Started off singing, Rabbit, Rabbit, well, owd George, t's a bit mutton jeff, thawt, a rabbit 'ad come in, just abaht to reach fer 'is shotgun he wah silly apath.
"Thas's got smashin thighs, not bad eyes, tha's norra a bad lass, thah's gorra a lot thah's no doubt, but thah's thinkin, o' blowin' you owt. Cos thah nor stops rabbitin on. "Rabbit, Rabbit ".
Thah's gor smashin 'air, were a smashin' pair, nah thah' dunno mind thi 'avin' a chat, but thah's gorra stop givin' it that. Well thah wah it, Landlord, add enough, slung em owt. Gerroff he said, it's crap.
Arr, Bert ses, "if thah 't sort o songs thi sin, dahn south, thi can leave em at Ol' Bull & an' Bush ".
Tha's 'appy wi mi Ilkla Mooar Bah 'at.
