Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Dahn'ton Filey

Wiv 'ad a brilliant weekend as mi n 'arr Bert. Went 't Filey.  Nah bin they're sen I worra bairn. Smashin' place an' t's not changed arr' all.

T's a bit on't posh side fer mi 'n arr Bert leek, but still pub wah nice. U'st t' be a 'otel it wor. Kings n Queens used t' come fer they're summa 'olidays. Leeks a bit like 'Dahn'ton Abbey. Bonhommes it wor called, reite smashin'  boozer! and wi' only went an won t' pub quiz annal, a tenna t's not t' be sniffed at.




Only  thing wa' some body swine said wi wor cheetin ! cheeky aypaths! So wi' mite have 'had a quick look up on arr  Normas posh new aye phone, on was 't called, oh aye  t'nternet. 

 T's   only ten bob a week on 't weekly neva neva  it wor, an it das allsorts!  even leeks up  pub quiz questions- an' tells ya where ya 'arr, an wot time t's in Khanader! bloody clever stuff all that aint it! 

Thah wor  no need t' be so nasty abaht it'  A reite cheeky cheeky swine he wor!   Seyin he copped us cheetin'. Arr bert giv 'im a quick belt round t'ear leek.

 Wi gave 'em their tenna back annal, sod 'em.

We took Gran'bairns on t' sands bless 'em. Gorr' em a bucket n' t' spade but it wor' a bit on 't cold side fer all that.

Aye a reite smashin' day it wor.

'Ad to laff tho' arr Bert must 'a thought it wor Christmas arr summat, as he tried to grope mi when I gorr 'ome. I soon purrra  stop t 'is shenanigans. 

'Aye I told 'im straight.

'Gerr off ya dirty git.

 He soon took t' 'uff then.




 


Saturday, July 7, 2012

50 Shades O' Lard.


Well ah dern't t no  worr ' orl t' fuss is abaht!  Ah just finished readin 'a' mucky book-an' all ah cah'n sey is' thah's affin' a laff!  Me 'n arr Bert gerr up't sem  thing everee Saturday neite.

Saturday wi goes off ta bingo wi' uz mates, (just afta we finished watchin' Jezzeur omnibus) then arr  Bert sees t' 'is pigeons. Then we meet up int' 'Oss n  Farria fer us drippin sarnies, or pie 'n peas-smasin thee arr. Then affta' ten or eleven pints we stagga 'ooam for ah bit o' t 'hows  ya f' ther!

It's become a bit o' err game now-I  gerr t' 'andcuffs aht' frem under t 'bed, then ah'  chains arr Bert t' bunk beds .

I allus mek sure ah 'as a tub o' swarfegeur next  t' bed-you nivva kna when thah meight need it!

I leeks intoa arr Berts eyes-lovely thah arr-all dark 'n blood shot-but still. Then ah runs uz fingers o'a 'is scalp-used ta av lush  'air did arr Bert bald as a cout nah thah'.

Wi play a bit o' romatic music to gerr us in't mood a bit of Frank Ifield singin ah rememba you-or summa' like'.

Then when 'e's deep breything or snoring I  teks' off 'is kegs off one  leg arra  time, then ah slowly unbuttons 'is shirt, mekin sure ah dern't cop any o't  wiff o t'. Yella bits on 'is armpits, then ah carefully creeps dahn t' stairs 'n stick all  'is clobba int' weshin machine.

Arr Bert  nos nah difference-thinks 'e's  bloody Don Juan  'e does!

50 shades of muck moar like.