50 shades of Thick As Pig Shit.

Nah-me mate Shaz is as thick as pigshit-she is in a band with her best mate cum girlfriend-and they call 'emselves Shaz & Mave. Only call 'emselves that to please all 't downsizers-thought they would do some tribute songs-of Chaz & Dave, mek's 'em feel at 'ome like.

They are playin' at local tonite, Ah'm looking forward to it-I reckon it's gunna be a good un. Landlord's even purrin some scran on-jellied 'eels for t' southerners, an tripe n onions for us propa fowk.Thought it might bring t' village together-if you know worr I mean.

She's a bit on t' thick side is Shaz, browt up wi' nowt she wor-still she's tryin 'ard to mek summat of 'er sen.

I said to 'er what do you reckon to 50 shades of grey?'

'What do I want to look at paint chips fer? ' she said.

Thought it wor a Dulux colour chart- daft cow. I ask ya.