Ow do-
Well I'll go t' foot of arr stairs-been yonks since I wrote owt on 'err. I 'ave been too busy graftin.' Aye got myssen a job at Primark-It's not fantastic but it keeps me in tanfastic an arr Bert in Pigeon food, 'ees saving up fer a new ferrett anall, as he clumped last un, as it went wrong way dahn 'is kegs an nearly bit off his crown jewels, well it' wont ave 'ad to chew reet 'ard rusty is bits arr to say 't least.
Primark, its nowt special, started tekin' giros they 'ave nah, gone dahn a treat annal-mind ya they 'ave 'ad to stock more change like, only so much stuff ya can buy from Primark with a twenty pound giro-even if it dah's come in fourteen carrier bags.
T'gaffers alrite-a bit odd like but thah's nowt wrong wi 'him really-a bit of a shady past but ant wi all-a bit of a Lance Armstrong-ya knowworra I mean, like 'im wi'drugs'-dern't think 'e got caught tha used to sell 'em rahn back o't market-bought 'imself a car wi' it 'e did-a morris minor smashin' car.-Thought i dern't remember 'im he did wen I came f't interview, but 'e soon did wen I showed' 'im pics of 'im an arr Norma in't back of't Morris Minor- smoking like a mexican bandit, 'e soon remembered then though-daft sod-I wah reet chuffed-got myssen a job and 'e got me to keep mi trap shut-well fer nah.
Tha's a few scruffy sods work 'ere annal-I've seen pigeons more hygenic than some of 'em pong t' place aht, and some of 'em you cahn't see 'em at all got them black veils on you need 'piss'n x ray specks to get a response from 'em darf vader I call 'em, like makin' a conversation with a pengiuin's arse-still it's what they believe in up t' them I suppose.
Still gerrin' all them dahnzizers in -thinkin' there in 'arvey pricks or worra' eva tha' call that posh shop.Cahn't understand a blood word they say-In they come askin' if they do stuff in different colours-I take no crap- tell 'em straight I do.
`No we fookin dern't its fookin Primark for Foots sake-it's all shite-different coulours my arse-if you cahn't see it on 't shelf we an't gorr it-god they are so bloody demanding.!
One o 'em turned thah nose up at me mate Shell-came in fer a quick natta-gorra a bit of a drink problem she 'as -but 'she cah'nt 'elp it-as t' 'ave a bottle in her bag at all times-'tried t' 'elp 'err loads o times-even bought 'er a copy of Amy Winehouse Rehab-still did na' bloody good-Still no need t' turn ya nose up like them 'oorays do. 'Excooose me young lady-one of 'em yells wen she can see I wah talkin to mi mate-needs t' go to fooking Specsavers if ya ask me-' That woman you are talking to is drinking in public,' Well blow mi over wi' a feather-wah if she is I told 'err-anyhow she aint' in public she sticks 'er ed in' t carrier bag t' pour it an, she's gorra cup.'-stuck up swine.
Annhow t'gaffer came sniffin' round soon scappered though when I started whistling Lois Armstrong-an flashin pictures of 'is Morris Minor abaht wi' im an arr Norma smoking weed in't back o' it like a fookin' 'errin factory- he wah off quicker than' a fat kid chasin' mr Wippy he wah-thick sod!
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