Apples & Pears

Does thi nah’ I’m a bit niffed.

Me an arr Norah went t’ ‘oss n farrier for a couple o’ pints last nite and got stuck wi’ a couple of ‘em dahnsizers-nah I’m sorry but they all talk bollocks-din’t understand a bloody word they wor sayin’. Like bin in a bloody zoo it wah!

Lucinda n Piers thah wor called- nah what sort o’ names are them? -peein’ missen  laffin I wah.

Thought wi’d mek a bit of ‘n effort like so asked ‘em if thah’d settled int’ neighbourhood alreet-Well thi started gerrin a bit saucy  did’ t bloke kept askin’ mi if I’d like to go see ‘is ‘Arse’

                ‘Nah why do I wanna see your Arse I sed t’him-daft’sod if I wanna see an arse I’ve gor arr Bert’s arse at ome’.

Nah mam sed arr Norma, who reckons shi’s a bit smart like-He means house mam-do you want to go see his house.

Sem sort o’ perv if ya ask mi-Arse indeed-then he wor askin mi if, I’d bin dah’n ‘t smoke to see baked bean?

                ‘The Queen mam, have you been to London to see the Queen?'Smart ass is arr Norma-you’d nah think shi wor one o’mine

‘I think blokes bin smoking summat funny or bin on’t loopey juice arr summat’ putting ‘er in ‘er place. 

' Come dahn frem smoke and mek no bloody effort t’ fit in-!'

 ‘Ah look at your boat race,’ woman shouted at mi-‘Are you brahms and list’.

‘Yes she’s Elephant’s trunk,' sniggered bloke. Well I’d ‘ad abaht enuff of this like-thort I was on another planet.

‘Come on Norma-grabbin’ her by t’ arm wir off I’m not sittin’ wi folk thah’ mek no bloody sense.

‘Nice to meet you-my china plate’ they shouted as we left-I just shook my ‘ed. Bloody go to foot of arr stairs ‘ what’s the world coming to 

'Mate mam, he meant mate.' Norma sighed.